she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
