Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
