I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
