Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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