Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
