I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
