please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
