I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
