Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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