quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
