Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
