Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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