i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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