I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think my vagina is haunted
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
