Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
