Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
