Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
