i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
