Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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