If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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