he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
