How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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