He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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