strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
