so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
