every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
