i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
