He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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