Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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