We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
