I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
