Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
