brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
