I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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