i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
