I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
