Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize