The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
