She is in my trunk
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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