is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
