you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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