During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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