I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
