i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize