He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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