She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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