he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am available for nakedness
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
