At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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