Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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