We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize