also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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