mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
