I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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