no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
