Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
