Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
