hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
