like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize