hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
