so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize