My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
