well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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