we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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