FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
